Had a talk with C the other day on the drive home. It’s funny how he’s become my go to person for long drives. It’s always nice to step out of everything and have an outsiders perspective.
I don’t know how it came up in topic, but we talked about having children. It suddenly hit me recently that I’m 26. I know that it’s far from being “old”, but when I was younger I always thought a few years from now would be the time to have kids and a family. Now that i’m closer to a few years from now, I can’t possibly imagine having a family. C says he is mentally prepared, but not financially prepared. I’m not either.
I often feel like I live in this life that Ted Mosby does. So much wanting to settle down, but being far from it. I enjoy spending time by myself. Going about my daily life. But, sometimes it’s hard to define the line between independence and loneliness. I love studying or sitting in cafes by myself. It makes me feel re-energized. I love shopping by myself because I can take my time. I even love having meals by myself and if it was more socially acceptable at more restaurants I would do it more often. I’ve gotten comfortable with the idea of being with just myself. But, of course it would be nice to have someone to share things with.
Getting back to the Ted Mosby thing… In the last episode the desk guy takes pity upon Ted because he is checking into the hotel alone. Ted tells him not to worry because he’s okay with being alone. I believe in Ted, even if no one else does. And, I can relate to his character. Being single at this age kind of stamps foreveralone on your forehead to all your friends. I didn’t know being single was the same thing as being terminally ill. I am okay. Just like Ted.
Even Ted finds his love in the last season of HIMYM. Maybe it’s not so much about being by myself or with my prince charming. Because if you were to choose living happily ever after or dying alone, you would probably choose happily ever after. Maybe not all hope is lost and foreveralone is only a temporaryalone.
"OHH, you attract people. But, you hate them."
This is awfully true.
Yesterday, when I came home from work, I found my dad drinking with all of his friends already. Don’t these Vietnamese men have somewhere to be on a Friday afternoon, like work? lol. My dad is such a social and popular guy. I often wonder where all my introverted traits came from. Jimmy was the same, in fact most of my cousins from the Thai side of my family are the same. All very polite, soft spoken, and sweet.
S is so spot on. So many people are interested in my life, but I hate them all. But people being interested in my life doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m popular or well liked. Rather, it means that a small margin are concerned with how i’m doing an a larger margin are just nosey beaches. How do you define that line?
Someone that cares will ask you how you’re doing. Someone that doesn’t will ask you what you’re doing or perhaps about something very specific. Or, they will avoid confrontation all together and ask someone else about you.
Something has happened in the past few months. Something for the better I hope. I am finding the less concerned about others, the happier I have become. And it’s not to never care for anyone. But, to care for the right people.