Every time I feel like I’m healing, my heart breaks over and over again.
:i feel like this is one of the longest weve gone without a tiffee&steffee adventure :[
tis true. and sometimes it’s good to know you’re missed.
If you asked me where I thought my life would be when I was 25, I would probably never imagine that it would be like this. We spend a lot of our lives imagining what the future will look like. What kind of job I’ll have. What kind of man I’ll marry. What kind of car I’ll drive. And what my first home will look like. Sometimes this images are so clear cut in my mind and other times they are more translucent based upon the current state of things. It’s like I still have all the same goals and dreams, but my foundation isn’t strong because I’m missing pieces in the little nooks and crannies of my life. Recently, a student at our sister school committed suicide. It wasn’t until this morning that I realized I know that student’s brother because he had posted a message about his brother’s passing on facebook. His words resounded a lot with what I felt and things that I still feel to this very day. I think what stuck out the most was, “I can’t imagine life without you.” My present life is something that I could have never imagined and it is hard to see into my future anymore. For example, I have always imagined myself bringing my future kids to my parents’ house over the weekend to play with my brother’s future kids. Seeing as that that isn’t possible anymore, it is hard to imagine something new and different. It is no longer easy for me to see into the far future, but I can take things slowly. I truly hope for the best for the student’s family and I pray that their hearts will heal with time. Things are still wounded in my family and perhaps our hearts are forever broken, but everything gets a little better day by day and sometimes things work just fine again when the pieces are all glued back together.
I think that the best and worst part of the day is laying down for bed. It is supposed to be a time to unwind and relax, but sometimes I find it to be the time of day that brings me the most anxiety. When you keep yourself busy you forget about all your worries. Stopping brings too much time to think and thinking obviously only leads to no good outcome.
Smell
At around 5pm everyday, my father comes home from work and the first thing he always does is take a shower. Every time I would use the bathroom after his shower, reminants of his Right Guard deodorant would fill the steamy air. This has been routine for him for as long as I can remember and that smell will always remind me of him.
At around 5pm everyday, my mother will prepare dinner for our family in anticipation of my father coming home from work. The kitchen would always be filled with delicious aromas in every corner. From the jasmine rice steaming on one side, a soup boiling on one burner, and a stir-fry dish on the other - pungent with fish sauce. My mother always cooks with love and I’m reminded of this love whenever the smells of Vietnamese cooking is in the air or from any heart-warming meal.
At around 5pm everyday, was when my brother and I used to watch tv as we waited for our tummies to be filled. However, we watched tv together a lot more often than just 5pm everyday. We’d always watch tv and play video games in his room as he laid on the bed and I sat on the floor - the designated spot for all younger siblings. Sometimes when I sit in his room now, I can smell him. Not a specific scent, but his natural body odor. It’s a familiar scent that evokes a lot of fond memories.
sometimes when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, it can get pretty heavy. perhaps it’s a reminder to take a break once in a while and pick the world back up again.
winterbreak close in the horizon.
(Source: kushandwizdom)
https://www.facebook.com/events/334636539977378/
Thanks for the e-mail Red Robin. I’m sure my brother would’ve loved this or maybe he’s just saying hi.
Inspiration.
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